


How to Win a Knight in Five Easy Steps

by silversolitaire



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alcohol, Bad Ideas, Courtship, Damsel in Distress, Glitter, Gloves, Good Ideas (which are actually bad ideas), Humor, Jealousy, Knives, Light Bondage, M/M, Pirates, borderline crack!fic, creative use of the force
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-03
Updated: 2016-05-03
Packaged: 2018-06-06 05:08:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6739330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silversolitaire/pseuds/silversolitaire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hux decides to woo Kylo Ren and comes up with increasingly good/bad ideas to win the fair Knight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pkabyssinian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pkabyssinian/gifts).



Hux never would have thought he’d find himself in such a position. Not physically, of course. He’d found himself in a lot of strange positions ever since he’d started having sex with Kylo Ren on a semi-regular basis. And he certainly wasn’t lacking occasions to enjoy those either. And he also never lacked options when Kylo Ren wasn’t available for some reason.

No, all in all he definitely had no reason to complain about his sex life. He got off a couple of times a week, solo or with someone else’s body to aid him, and that was enough to give him the balance he needed for the demanding job as the commanding officer of a large vessel such as the Finalizer. No questions, no commitments, no regrets. That’s the way he liked it and this was more than enough.

Only, it wasn’t. Recently. Hux had come to realize that finding himself pounded into the mattress several times per week with his knees next to his ears wasn’t enough to truly satisfy him anymore. Even with a lover as insatiable as Kylo Ren.

He got hard just thinking about the way Ren managed to consume him completely each time he came to see him in his quarters. No words were required. Just the hushed rustle of fabrics as they were pushed aside and, yes, the occasional jingle of chains attached to various appendages. And moans, of course. Lots of them. And screams, too. Of pleasure and sometimes of pain. The good kind.

Belatedly, Hux realized that he was already stroking himself. Figures. Now he needed to finish himself off before being presentable for appearing on the bridge. He knew from experience that a boner received by thinking about Ren wasn’t going to go away that easily. He sometimes secretly suspected that Ren had manipulated him somehow, making him always hard in his presence and now, by expansion, when thinking about him. But maybe it was just Hux’s way of trying to shift the blame.

Cursing himself and the dark Knight of Ren, Hux started masturbating in earnest, thinking about the way Ren’s lips stretched around his cock, the way his insufferably messy hair swayed around his head as it bobbed up and down his length, the genuine pleasure Ren experienced from going down on him. With a muffled groan, Hux came into his handkerchief which he had placed over the head of his cock out of habit. There was nothing he hated more than making a mess out of himself.

Still panting softly from this moderately satisfying climax, Hux cleaned himself up in the washroom, soon reverting back to the state of General Hux, fearless commander of the Finalizer and hopeless fool. And a fool he was, because despite all his attempts of convincing himself of the opposite, Hux had to accept the fact that he didn’t want just sex from Ren anymore. He wanted his smiles, his attention, his thoughts and maybe even… No, not that. But that was quite enough already.

He never thought he’d see the day where he’d be craving for someone else in a way that couldn’t be fulfilled easily. So yes, this was quite a strange position in indeed. But Hux was nothing if not resourceful when it came to drawing up plans and devising strategies. So he did what he did best and started a list.


	2. Step 1: Find allies

It wasn’t difficult to spot Phasma from the viewports that oversaw the hangar. Her shiny metal armor, definitely not standard issue, stood out among the sea of white stormtroopers. He walked up to her in his usual controlled stride. “Captain, a word with you,” he said without much introduction as he walked on, trusting for his officer to follow him.

Once they’d left the busy loading area behind, Hux slowed down. “Captain, I will need your assistance with something.”

“Certainly, sir.”

He looked around to make sure they weren’t overheard. “It’s a rather… delicate matter. Concerning Lord Ren.”

Phasma stayed silent, but he knew from the way she held herself, rigid and unmoving, that she was intently focused on him. He also knew that he could trust her unconditionally. They’d served together on many different vessels before and Hux had soon made it a habit to request her as a member of his team of officers as soon as he had been transferred to a different station. And being who he was, his requests had always been granted. Phasma appreciated his loyalty and freely gave hers in return.

Just to be sure, he further lowered his voice and said, “Remember the situation on Skapus M63 two years ago?”

Phasma hesitated a moment, then gave him a puzzled, “Sir?”

Cursing under his breath, Hux grabbed her by the elbow and pulled her into the nearest briefing room. “Remove that blasted helmet of yours, will you,” he snapped, immediately feeling sorry for it. “Please,” he added begrudgingly.

After a momentary pause, Phasma complied. Her blonde hair fell into her forehead and stuck to the thin film of sweat covering her face. These masks were murder to wear. Hux knew that from experience after an unfortunate bout of roleplaying involving a stormtrooper uniform and a malfunctioning intercom… he still groaned inwardly just thinking about it.

“Allow me to refresh your memory,” he continued. “We were on this assignment on Skapus and you had set your eyes on that cute little radar technician. With a lot of orchestration on my part and a little on yours, we managed to smooth the way to a successful seduction.”

Of course Phasma was way too much in control of herself to betray any kind of embarrassment, but he knew her well enough to tell that the memory was dawning on her. “I remember now, sir.” She was also too polite to point out that this plan had been 90% hers and 10% his and he was grateful for that.

He nodded contentedly, clasping his arms behind his back as he began to pace, not sure how to continue.

“If I may ask, sir, how is this connected to Lord Ren though?”

Hux stopped. “What do you mean?”

Softly clearing her throat, Phasma continued, “If I may be so blunt to point out, your seduction of Lord Ren already has been successful, so what else is there to achieve?”

Now it was Hux’s turn to blush which he did furiously. Oh, how he hated his pallid complexion and translucent skin that betrayed his every thought. With sheer willpower, he made the flush disappear again. Or so he hoped, anyway. “How come you know that?” he said, realizing with horror that his voice had raised a pitch.

Phasma rolled her eyes uncharacteristically. “Oh please, everyone knows this. There are quite a lot of speculations going on among the crew regarding the exact nature of your arrangement and how many times per week it is being consummated, based on the tell-tale signs.”

“The tell-tale signs?” Hux felt a massive headache building up behind his temples. “What kind of… never mind.” This was a problem for another day. He’d have to find out more about this in due time and then deal with it accordingly. But not now. “The exact nature of my arrangement with Lord Ren isn’t of your concern. Fact is, I aim to change it. And I need your help with this.”

“Are you serious?”

“No, I’m practicing a comedy routine for the Annual Gala. Of course I’m serious!” Hux realized he was shouting and forced himself to turn down a notch. “Phasma, you’re the only one I can trust with this.” Provided you haven’t already put credits on my sex life, that is, he added mentally.

“I see, sir.” When he didn’t offer any further instructions, Phasma prompted, “And how may I be of service?”

Suddenly, Hux felt very stupid. He knew he needed an ally in this and he knew that Phasma was literally the only one he could ask and trust with this, but despite his reputation of being a brilliant strategist, he was utterly stumped regarding the next steps.

Interpreting his silence correctly, Phasma smiled. “I take your silence as the exact reason why you need my help.”

Moons, he was flushing again. “Yes, dammit!” he growled. “I know how to fuck them, but not how to woo them.”

Phasma’s smile deepened. “I’m sure we can manage to satisfy all your needs regarding Lord Ren.”


	3. Step 2: Create mystery

According to Phasma, the three major elements of emotional bonding were mystery, jealousy and urgency. How Phasma had suddenly become an expert on this subject, he hadn’t questioned and at this point he was willing to take any kind of advice.

How to create an air of mystery with a mindreader was an entirely different problem. Thankfully, he had figured out several things about Ren’s mindreading abilities over the months they’d been sharing the bed. He mentally made a list.

  1. Unless the so-called broadcast was unmissable, Ren usually didn’t bother to read minds unless there was something he wanted to know.
  2. Hiding your true thoughts under a layer of inane drivel tended to deter him when he didn’t feel the urgent need to extract information.
  3. He really hated classical music, so he never dwelled for long in Hux’s mind when he was thinking about his favorite compositions. As a matter of fact, he hadn’t realized until Ren had complained about it that he apparently had a tendency to replay his favorite tunes in his head over and over again in post-orgasmic bliss.



This meant: he had to make sure to not broadcast anything that might raise Ren’s suspicions. Should he accidentally attract Ren’s attention anyhow, he had to think about the worst, most obnoxious musical pieces of the most radical composers that he could think of in order to drive him off again. That didn’t sound so difficult.

More difficult was creating mystery. He had no idea how to go about that. He’d once read in some ancient records that the art of wooing used to involve flowers. He wasn’t quite sure how, but he figured it wouldn’t hurt to try. So he had tasked Phasma to lead the ground forces on a reconnaissance mission and use it to find such a plant for him.

Now he was staring at the strange contraption that held this flower and he couldn’t imagine what the purpose of it was. According to the dealer Phasma had received this from, this thing was the ultimate gift lovers gave each other. It supposedly expressed the blossoming affection which grew stronger with constant care and nurture. Furthermore, the flower’s mode of procreation was meant to symbolize the lovers’ need for each other and wish to procreate as well. Something like that.

Gingerly, Hux lifted the glass case off the plant and prodded one of the leaves. A shower of glitter rained down on the shiny black display, covering the ground, as well as the table, sprinkling his gloved hand in the process. As if burned, Hux pulled his hand back and shook it vigorously. Who would do such a thing? As if a flower in its fragile, fragrant state wasn’t absurd enough, someone thought it necessary to further decorate it with this ridiculous glitter which stuck to everything now.

With an annoyed grunt, Hux replaced the glass cover, sealed the contraption and hid it behind a panel. Then he called for a cleaning droid to clean up the mess, hoping that was possible at all.

Hours later, he still picked speckles of glitter of his uniform. Now he stood at the control panel of his command center, intently focused on the one observation screen that showed the entrance to Ren’s quarters. The little flower dome was placed at the very threshold of the door, impossible to miss. For the purpose of delivery, Hux had rewired a maintenance droid, tasking it with the objective of placing the gift at a specified place at a specified time and then erase its short term memory immediately.

Hux had watched the delivery and the way the droid had wandered off aimlessly afterwards, unsure of its actual programming. Now he sat with bated breath, waiting for Ren to appear. After a couple of minutes, he grew impatient and used his override code to make the access panel at the door give off the typical tone that indicated a visitor.

Through the intercom, he heard the muffled sound of Ren’s voice. “Enter!” With a smile, Hux noted the pause between the sound and the answer, telling him that Ren had hurried to put on his mask before answering. So vain. He operated the panel again.

“You may enter!” Ren repeated, this time clearly ticked.

Out of sheer sadism, Hux rang one more time. He was rewarded with Ren’s door sliding open and the Knight of Ren appearing like a looming shadow, ready to strike down whoever was foolish enough to disturb him. “What?” Ren hesitated, obviously realizing that nobody was there. He stepped out of his door and looked down the corridor to both sides. Hux winced a little, when he watched the hem of Ren’s robe brushing past the undetected glass structure, thankfully not knocking it over.

After a moment of puzzled staring, Ren got ready to retreat to his chambers. Then he spotted the flower. Of course he didn’t bend down to pick it up. Instead, he thrust out his hand, making the object fly into his outstretched palm. Hux flinched again, imagining the little petals on this ridiculous stick of greenery being unable to withstand such a treatment. He didn’t even want to think about the credits it had cost him to acquire it.

Ren started at the object in his hand, no reaction visible thanks to the confounded mask. Then he turned around abruptly, his unnecessarily showy robe billowing behind him as he retreated into his lair.

Hux stared at the screen for a while longer, wondering if this had been a success or not. He’d have to consult with Phasma again. Clearly, gifting flowers wasn’t necessarily the best way to win a knight’s heart. On to the next phase.


	4. Step 3: Invoke jealousy

According to Phasma, seeing what you can’t have makes you want it even more. This was why toddlers always wailed for the toy outside their reach. Hux found that image slightly disturbing in this context, but he was willing to accept Phasma’s authority on the subject.

So it occurred that he was lounging in a chair in his quarters, clothed in a flowing robe of soft fabric, casually lifting a tumbler of brandy to his lips. On the other side of the room stood Lieutenant Mitaka, wringing his hands nervously.

Earlier that day, Ren had asked Hux in his usual impassionate voice (which was a facade just like his stupid mask was, damn it) whether he was available later that evening. To fuck, no doubt. Even though Hux’s groin already had yelled a resounding “YES!”, he had conjured up a thunderous sonata by Gungan composer Lard-Lard Fiw in his head and shaken his head slowly. “Unfortunately I am otherwise engaged.” He had felt Ren’s mind extend to him and withdraw before the other man had stormed off without another word.

“S-s-sir?” Mitaka asked anxiously.

“Yes, Lieutenant?” Hux pulled a cigarette from his case with his lips and lit it with a sparkstick.

“M-may I inquire why I’m here?”

Casually, Hux checked the chronograph at the wall. He needed a bit more time. “I told you, I need your report on the latest rebel activities.”

“N-now, sir? Can’t it wait until t-tomorrow? It’s a b-bit late, sir, if you don’t mind me saying this.”

Internally rolling his eyes, Hux forced himself to put on a stern face and say, “If it had time, I wouldn’t have summoned you here, would I, Lieutenant.”

“N-no…” Mitaka replied unnecessarily.

Hux patted the seat next to him. “Why don’t you have a seat for a moment and transfer your report on my datapad. Then you can be on your way and I can work on my presentation for tomorrow’s debriefing.”

That seemed to have convinced the other man and he relaxed a little, scurrying over to the indicated seat. Hux watched him working on establishing the connection as he smoked quietly, his mind racing. He really didn’t want to sleep with Mitaka. Not only was it wildly inappropriate for a commanding officer to take such liberties with one of his subordinates, he also could sense the other man’s discomfort, even without being specifically perceptive of these things. Yet he needed Mitaka now.

Still considering, he leaned in to pick up his glass from the small table. He froze mid-motion, suddenly having an idea. As inconspicuously as possible, he continued his movement, but instead of reaching for the glass, he knocked it over, spilling brandy all over Mitaka’s uniform.

“Oh dear, I’m so sorry! How clumsy of me!” Hux exclaimed, jumping up at the same time as the other man, who was brushing at his uniform in panic. “Here, let me help you with this.” Before Mitaka could object, Hux opened the buttons of the uniform jacket and slid it off Mitaka’s shoulders. He gave it a perfunctory inspection before dropping it on the floor. “I’m afraid it’ll need to get professionally cleaned. I’ll see to it. It’s the least I can do.”

“Th-thank you, sir,” Mitaka stammered, his cheeks turning a fiery red. He was clearly overwhelmed by the situation which was why he gave no resistance, when Hux unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it out of his waistband.

“I’m afraid the shirt needs cleaning, too,” Hux murmured as he pushed the fabric over the other man’s shoulders.

The panel on his door chimed, indicating that someone who knew the access code had entered it and was about to come in. Hux felt like howling in triumph as he made sure his hands were on Mitaka’s body when the door slid open and Ren appeared, instantly filling the room with his presence.

“Lord Ren!” Mitaka squeaked, swaying a little, which prompted Hux to grab him more tightly, fearing the poor guy might collapse from fright.

Ren didn’t say anything, staying completely silent under his mask as he observed the scene. For his benefit, Hux stood completely still, except for the subtle twitch of his shoulder blade which let the soft fabric of his robe slide down, revealing his collar bone. Hux knew how crazy it made Ren.

“Leave,” Ren said, his voice eerily calm.

“Are you talking t-t-to me, sir?” Mitaka spluttered, but before he could even finish the sentence, he was yanked away from Hux by an invisible force and hurled out of the room. The door slid shut behind him and locked.

“Ren,” Hux purred casually as he turned towards the other man. “How rude of you to interrupt me. I thought I’d told you I was occupied.”

“With Mitaka?” Despite the vocoder, Ren’s voice was trembling with anger.

“I’m not sure this is your business,” Hux replied coolly, rejoicing internally. “I don’t recall us agreeing on being mutually exclusive. This is just about sex, isn’t it? Can’t you get it somewhere else when I’m trying out a new plaything?”

He gasped when he was hurled towards Ren, colliding with his chest. He had to force himself not to reach out and rub his hands across those taut muscles which he knew were only a few layers of fabric away. But he resisted and instead put on a scandalized expression. “How dare you, barging in like that, ruining my evening and…”

He stopped when he suddenly felt his voice cut out. He wasn’t being choked or anything, it merely felt like a tendril of energy slithering down his throat, blocking his vocal chords and preventing him from speaking. He hated it when Ren did that and it made him angry, despite his plans. He was sure his anger was radiating off him in waves.

“You want anonymous sex?” Ren said, his distorted voice tinny and impersonal. “I can give it to you.”

Hux felt himself being lifted off his feet and tilted, his robe sliding off him without the least bit of resistance. Then he hovered in midair, naked and slightly humiliated as he watched Ren reach for his belt, unclasping it and then feeling around his pants until he’d freed his cock.

Ren knew that Hux hated it when he kept on his mask and this was surely why he did it now. And despite the fact that the blatant provocation annoyed him, Hux couldn’t help but feel incredibly aroused. He watched Ren glance around, looking for a suitable place, before finally settling in the chair Hux had vacated not even five minutes ago. Then he watched Hux, suspended there, motionless, and started stroking himself slowly.

Transfixed, Hux stared at Ren pleasuring himself, his own cock aching against his stomach, yet being unable to do anything about it. He couldn’t imagine this was an oversight on Ren’s part. Instead, he was tortured with a demonstration of what he couldn’t have right now. He felt his own need grow to near unbearable levels as he watched the revealing moistness appear on the head of Ren’s cock, making the length slick and ready with every stroke.

Unexpectedly, Hux’s body shifted again, no longer supine now, and he was pulled towards Ren. He’d expected to be lowered on the waiting cock without much introduction, but instead he stopped a good ten inches above it. He groaned, as much as the invisible gag allowed him to, when Ren’s gloved hands closed over his cock and began to stroke him roughly.

The smooth surface of the leather with its many ridges moved over the overly sensitive skin of his cock as he was stroked, adding an element of friction he hadn’t expected. His head dropped back, unsupported, as his arms were stretched over his head, as if being suspended from a rope attached to the ceiling. It felt so fucking good.

“So silent, General?” Ren whispered, his voice thick with arousal. Hux could imagine what it would sound like without the mask altering it and he longed to hear it, but he’d rather die than admit to this. “You know, you can moan. I’m only stopping the words,” he murmured, pulling on Hux’s cock roughly.

As if on cue, Hux let out a strangled cry which was rewarded by an intensified pressure on his cock. Hux moaned again when he felt a leathered digit slide into him, applying pressure to his prostate with slow rubs. This was torture, sweet, delicious torture, and Hux wondered if one could die from too much pleasure. He also wondered if he could die from not coming, because he was pretty sure that it wasn’t only his vocal chords that Ren had immobilized.

Eventually, Ren must have decided that he’d had enough of this, because he reached out with his other hand and caught an object flying into his palm. Hux immediately recognized it as the jar of lube they’d almost exhausted already. Taking a generous scoop out of it, Ren added further slickness to his cock before dropping the jar without a care, probably putting a dent in his floor and knowing that Hux was unable to voice the objection that was lodged inside his throat.

Ren’s laugh at this was infuriating, but the thought disappeared instantly when Hux felt two slick fingers slide around his opening and then inside. They almost felt like a foreign object with the glove covering them. By now Hux felt like he couldn’t wait a second longer without feeling Ren inside of him, and yet the other man kept him waiting.

“Tell me that you want it. Tell me that you want it from me,” Ren ground out.

Before Hux could even form a complaint in his mind about not being able to do so, he felt the gag removed from his throat. With a slight twinge of guilt he realized that the feeling of fullness in his mouth and throat had added to his arousal. Something to explore later. For now there were more pressing matters.

“I want it,” he gasped, looking at Ren pleadingly.

“What do you want?”

“I want you to fuck me. I want you.” Suddenly it seemed impossible not to be able to see Ren’s face. He knew he’d see everything Ren felt on his beautiful features and he needed to see it right now. “But not like this, please.” He felt Ren hesitate, alarmed by this and waiting for him to elaborate his objection further. It warmed his heart, knowing that despite his theatrics and his temper Ren would never do something to hurt him intentionally.

“I need to see your face… I need to see you,” Hux whispered, feeling feverish in his need to be filled and to be one with Ren.

Without hesitation, Ren reached up to his mask, unclasped it and removed it. He looked every bit as needy and aroused as Hux.

“Everything, remove it all,” Hux demanded, then watched with longing eyes as Ren undressed, the Force making it look like one effortless motion to shrug out of his clothes.

Hux was tilted once more and his face was brought towards Ren’s. He returned the kiss with equal passion, feeling the same need to taste and touch as much as he could of the other man. He loved the way Ren kissed, as if he couldn’t get deep enough, never satisfied with the closeness they had, but without being intrusive or overwhelming. He was perfect. The thought stung a little, although Hux wasn’t sure why.

While they were still kissing, Ren’s hands all over his body, in his hair, kneading his ass, caressing his back, he was slowly guided down Ren’s cock by invisible hands until he was completely filled. Hux noisily removed his mouth from Ren’s and moaned loudly, the feeling too much.

“It’s you,” he whispered, feeling Ren stop and wait for him to continue. “By the stars, it’s always you. No one else but you…”

For a moment he saw an intense emotion flicker across Ren’s face before he grabbed Hux’s head fiercely and pulled him in for another soul-devouring kiss while slowly starting to move inside of him.

It wasn’t tender or romantic. It wasn’t a revelation. It was frantic rutting, but it felt perfect. Hux wasn’t sure if Ren had forgotten to release him, but he didn’t care. The thought that he couldn’t move his arms, that he was unable to contribute to their lovemaking and instead only give his body to Ren’s pleasure, was exhilarating.

And Ren took from him without inhibitions. He drank from his lips, licked the sweat off his skin as if it had appeared there only for him to taste. He frantically rubbed his face across his chest, buried it inside the bend of his neck to muffle a strangled cry of pleasure. He licked and sucked and nipped at his nipples until they felt every bit as raw and tender as he felt inside. He claimed patch after patch of skin, covering it with little bruises caused by suction and the grazing of his teeth, each mark another claim to his body.

Hux felt completely consumed by Ren and it made him delirious. He wasn’t even sure how much time had passed when Ren suddenly froze inside of him, letting out a liberating growl, pulling him into a crushing embrace as he thrust into him one last time, as deeply as he could, before spilling himself with a shuddering groan. At the same time, Hux felt the invisible bridle that had prevented him from coming disappear and he followed his lover down the path of ecstasy.

Afterwards, Hux lay cradled against Ren’s chest, their breaths slowly returning to normal. He felt spent, unable to move even though there was nothing holding him captive anymore. Ren’s hand rested on his head in an almost protective gesture.

The need to tell Ren how he felt, that he wanted this, but not just this, that he wanted it forever and for them alone, was overwhelming. Suddenly it felt impossible to say and the thought frustrated him beyond reason. He sat up with as much dignity as he could manage, being naked, sore and covered in various body fluids.

“It’s not enough,” he said hoarsely, more to himself than to Ren. When he turned, he saw Ren’s dark eyes upon him. His face looked so young now, so vulnerable.

“What else do you want?” Ren sounded defeated.

“More.”

The moment of silence stretched on as incredible sadness washed over Ren’s features, slowly hardening them. “This is all I have.”

Hux felt cold. He suppressed a shiver as he turned away from his lover. “Maybe you should leave.” He felt Ren move and get up and the coldness became unbearable, but he wouldn’t allow himself to give in. He heard the rustling of fabric as Ren got dressed and when he heard the mechanical clicking of the mask’s clasps sliding into place, he finally turned around.

Ren said nothing as he turned away and left.

Only when Hux was sure that Ren was far away from his quarters, he allowed himself to release the sob that had been trapped inside his throat for far too long. Afterwards, he clasped his hand over his mouth as if to push it back in, or, at the very least, prevent others from following it. He reached for his robe and wrapped himself in it, suddenly shivering so violently that he could barely manage.

Shakily, he walked towards his bedroom. On his way there, he saw the scribbled note with ideas on how to win Ren’s heart. He picked it up and crumpled it up, dropping it carelessly on the ground.


	5. Step 4: ???

Later that week, Hux sat with Phasma in a dimly lit cantina, glumly cradling his misshapen cup that contained some terrible booze from some Outer Rim planet that she’d sworn was the best to heal any kind of malady. She’d called his a temporary insanity. He was reluctant to call it a broken heart.

Technically, you couldn’t break something that had never been in working order to begin with. It was merely a matter of conserving the status quo. He couldn’t even explain why he felt the way he did. Nothing had changed between Ren and him. He sighed. And that was exactly the problem.

“This idea was stupid from beginning to end,” Hux said, realizing with mild bemusement that his speech already was slurred. How many cups had he had of this stuff?

“It wasn’t all bad,” Phasma insisted, raising her cup in a toast. They drank again and Phasma refilled their cups. “It would have worked if you had sent those poetry letters as I had suggested.”

Hux scoffed, taking another sip. He winced. That stuff burned. “I have reasonable doubt that someone like Kylo Ren is susss… sccep… suspet…tib… open for poetry. He didn’t like my glittery flower either.”

Phasma made a face. “He didn’t destroy it immediately. That’s a plus.”

“True…”

“What was wrong with the chocolates again?”

Hux frowned, trying to remember. His mind was way past foggy and it probably would be prudent to stop drinking. But then again, so was trying to imagine Kylo Ren was even capable of entering a romantic relationship with someone else. Wait, was it prudent to think that or not? Prudent… that word sounded funny. He giggled. He shrank back at the sound of his own voice. Did he sound like that when he laughed? Good thing he normally never did that. Oh right, Phasma was waiting for an answer.

“I thhhink it was that problem with the… the things… from that planet. You know. That get into sweet stuff and turn it into goo.” He groaned thinking about it. “Ren Force-choked some junior officer because he thought someone had played a practical joke on him.” He dropped his head on the table. It was a lot more comfortable that way. “I told you, stupid ideas from beginning to end.”

He heard Phasma put down her cup and get up. She patted his shoulder as she staggered past him, probably towards the washroom. “I still have one more up my sleeve,” she murmured.

Hux didn’t hear the rest of her sentence anymore. Somehow it was comfortable to lie here, exactly like that. He fell asleep.

When he woke up who knows how many hours later, Hux felt miserable. His head felt sore, a headache thudding relentlessly against his temples. He wasn’t even sure where exactly he was. The last thing he remembered was having a drink with Phasma in some shady bar after a meeting on some remote planet with some dignitaries. Most of that day had passed in a blur and then he’d started drinking this abysmal concoction and then he’d passed out. So much for his recollection of the past events.

Groaning softly, he lifted his hand to his hair to run his fingers through them, a well-practiced gesture that he used to ground himself by reestablishing order. As he did so, he noticed a strange tug at his other wrist and then he realized his wrists were cuffed together.

Hux jerked his head up, looking around. He found himself in the cargo bay of some vessel, by the looks of it a VCX-100 light freighter. Those weren’t used by the First Order. The fact that he was shackled at his hands and feet was another rather strong indication that he wasn’t among friends.

“Aw looky here who's awoken,” some voice said in a thick accent. Hux heard some other muffled voices but he couldn’t make out what they were saying. He looked at his surroundings more carefully and noted the many boxes and crates of different origin, some by First Order territory even. No way was this the normal cargo of a trading ship. This looked more like smugglers or… pirates.

A large, hulking frame of a man came into few. His skin was green and huge tusks protruded from his lower jaw. His hair was shaggy and black and his bushy eyebrows had united to one ugly caterpillar sitting in the middle of his forehead. He wore some kind of pseudo-uniform, mixed and matched from many different organizations. Yes, definitely pirates.

“Rise and shine, sunshine,” Unibrow said.

Refusing to be intimidated by any of this, Hux straightened his back as best he could under the circumstances and put on his most terrifying commander face. He knew it worked because he’d practiced it in front of the mirror. “What is the meaning of this?” he asked coolly.

Unibrow hesitated. Before he could say anything, Hux continued. “I’ll have you know that you’ve taken a high-ranking officer of the First Order hostage and I’m sure you know that the First Order does not negotiate with outlaws. Most likely, your vessel has already been tracked by a recon drone programmed to my biosignature and you’re about to be caught in the tractor beam of the Finalizer, a Resurgent-class Star Destroyer occupied by over eighty thousand crewmembers, all armed and trained to kill.”

With great satisfaction, Hux saw more heads appear behind Unibrow and none of them looked particularly thrilled at the prospect of encountering what he’d just described. One skinny blue fellow, unnecessarily carrying an old-fashioned saber, exclaimed, “That guy doesn’t sound like a prince to me. I think your sources were wrong.”

Unibrow grunted. “Like he’d admit to it if he was one. He knows he’s worth a hefty ransom.”

The thought of him being a prince almost made Hux laugh out loud, but despite the air of invincibility he tried to project, he was very much aware of the fact that this was a dangerous situation and those idiots could decide to kill him at any given moment and there wasn’t much he could do against that.

“While I assure you that I’m quite valuable to the First Order, I can’t stress enough that you won’t receive any ransom for me. The First Order doesn’t negotiate, the First Order retaliates. Are you willing to take that risk?”

A little goat creature popped up behind Unibrow and Saber. “That sounds baaaaad,” she bleated, wringing her furry hands.

“I say we get rid of him quick,” another voice piped up from somewhere.

That was a bad idea. “I should mention,” Hux cut in, “that the First Order employs Force-users and the mightiest of them all is on the Finalizer right now looking for me, his lover. And I assure you, should I come to harm he won't rest until he's tracked down and destroyed every single one of you. The galaxy won't be big enough for you to hide.”

The shocked silence was golden. Then it was interrupted by panicked shouting and bleating, everyone voicing their opinion on the subject as loudly as they could.

“Quiet, you miserable bunch of planetlubbers!” Unibrow thundered which immediately ceased all protests by his… men? People? “You’re a disgrace to the long and honorable tradition of piracy! If we let anyone convince us to let them go, we’d be out of business in no time.”

“Technically we only started last week…” Goat pointed out.

Stunned, Hux listened to them bickering to and fro for the next couple of minutes. Figures that he’d be kidnapped by the worst bunch of pirates in the Galaxy. There was nothing more dangerous than incompetence.

Confirming his worst fears, Unibrow eventually hollered “Shut up now!” and whipped a knife from his belt. Before Hux had a chance to react, he felt the sharp blade pressed against his throat.

“Tell us where the gold is...” Unibrow growled close to his face, his breath making him want to retch.

“Gold…?” Hux repeated, too confused to be diplomatic. “You morons actually think anyone is still carrying gold? What about credits? Or weapons? Intel? Data?”

“He does have a point,” someone said.

“Stop playing games…” Unibrow hissed and pressed the blade harder against his throat, forcing Hux to retreat as far as he could against the wall of the freighter. The blade still nicked him and drew some blood.

To hell with it, if he was going down, he might as well go down with his head raised high. The thought made him pause for a moment. Was he really going to die here, like this? Without ever getting to talk to Ren one last time, touch him, taste him… the thought seemed so absurd that Hux actually did laugh now.

“You find this funny?”

“Being held captive by a ragtag band of misfits playing pirate? Yes, I’d say so.”

“Why, you little…” Unibrow raised his hand holding the knife, getting ready to bring it down on him.

Hux had a split second to decide whether he should try to evade the blade or take it like a man, but before it came to it, the lights suddenly cut off and were replaced by the red emergency light. A siren blared through the hull of the ship.

“What the fuck?” Unibrow yelled and whipped around, the knife in his hand forgotten.

“That would be emergency protocol engaging,” Hux commented dryly. “It means you’re being targeted by a tractor beam, in case you’re not familiar with your own ship.”

“Just like he said!” Goat bleated in panic. “It’s the First Order with one million men and guns!” Her hooves made a clopping sound as she bounded down the hall, disappearing from sight.

“We should abandon ship, Captain,” Saber said, his voice shaking. “This isn’t what I’ve signed up for.”

Unibrow looked around frantically, looking at Hux, back at his men, then at Hux again.

“Run,” Hux offered helpfully.

Unibrow dropped the knife and scuttled down the same path as Goat had. His men followed him at the heel, leaving Hux behind.

“Idiots,” he muttered to himself. If they knew anything about their ship they would have known this wasn’t a tractor beam alert. This was merely the proximity alert that another ship had gotten into close range. This could mean a number of things, many of which weren’t his favorite outcome, but there was still the possibility that he had been right about the First Order tracking him already, despite their policy of leaving men separated from their unit behind.

Already feeling annoyed with the situation, Hux tugged at his binders, checking if he could loosen them somehow. It would probably take him a while, but he might manage if he risked dislocating his thumb. By then he might have a better idea about the shackles at his feet. He sighed. It was his best bet at getting out of there.

A sound made him jerk up his head. Someone had boarded the ship. Just great, could things possibly get any worse? Then he heard the signature sizzle of Kylo Ren’s psychotic lightsaber engaging and his heart leapt in his chest. Things were about to get much better.

Quickly, he decided to milk the situation for what it was worth and he slumped backwards, pretending to be unconscious, just in time for the door of the cargo bay to slide open with a low hiss. He heard one person enter and the mechanic sound of agitated breathing told him it was indeed Ren.

Rejoicing internally, Hux resisted the temptation of cracking open an eye and watching his moment of rescue. Even though he wouldn’t admit to it even under torture, Hux kind of thought Ren looked really handsome and dashing in his stupid outfit, especially when poised for battle.

He imagined the robe billowing behind Ren as he stepped onto the deck, pulling his head in slightly like he usually had to do due to his height. His arms stretched out at his sides, muscles tense, the right hand gripping the sizzling red ‘saber. He’d be looking around, taking in everything at once and then…

“Hux…” Ren said hoarsely, his pace quickening, as if he was running. The lightsaber crackled as it was sheathed, then a thud indicated that Ren had sunk to his knees next to Hux. It was so hard to remain still when all he wanted to do was open his eyes and throw himself into Ren’s arms.

Gloved hands touched Hux’s face, stopping briefly at the wound at his throat. Ren gave a strangled cry as he shook him carefully. “Hux, please wake up…” Suddenly he was pulled up and crushed against Ren’s chest. Involuntarily, Hux sucked in air, instantly drunk on Ren’s scent. He wanted to touch him, but even without his little playact he was still shackled. Apparently Ren didn’t consider this a problem that needed to be fixed, Hux thought dryly.

Then he groaned softly when he was lifted and cradled in Ren’s arms as he carried him away. Eventually Hux dared to peek a little and he saw that Ren was carrying him to a TIE fighter which he must have piloted himself. This surprised him a little since he knew how much Ren hated doing that, but he was pleased that Ren had done it anyhow.


	6. Step 5: PROFIT!

The trip back to the Finalizer was surprisingly short, so the ship must have been in orbit after all. It pleased him to think that they’d actually been looking for him. Other than that it was torture not being able to look at Ren who was silent the entire time. Who’d he be talking to anyway? Once the fighter was docked, Hux was elated to find that Ren continued carrying him instead of handing him over to one of the med droids which were around no doubt.

“I’ve located General Hux,” he heard Ren say. “I’m going to take care of this.” Naturally, nobody objected him and so Hux was carried away without resistance. He didn’t dare to sneak another peek, because he couldn’t risk being seen being carried around by Kylo Ren while fully conscious. So instead he allowed himself to relax against Ren’s chest, enjoying the closeness without needing to find reasons for it.

“I know you’re awake,” Ren pointed out casually after a while.

Hux almost jerked his head at the revelation, but quickly decided that Ren was probably bluffing, so he continued his act. Ren’s soft laugh was mildly infuriating.

Eventually, an access panel was operated and a door swooshed open. Hux immediately recognized the earthy scent of Ren’s quarters. Excitement with a side of panic shot through him. Before he could elaborate on this feeling, he was dropped unceremoniously onto the bed.

“Ow!” he objected when his tailbone collided with Ren’s stupidly hard mattress. He opened his eyes and glared at Ren who was in the process of taking off his mask. “Be careful! I could be gravely injured!” he complained.

“Yes, you could be, but you’re not,” Ren replied seriously, sinking down to his knees next to the bed, looking intently at Hux. “I’ve already run a full body scan on you while you were… resting.”

“I wasn’t resting! I was recovering from a seriously traumatic experience!” Too late Hux realized that he’d pushed his lower lip forward in a childish gesture, but then it didn’t matter anymore because Ren grabbed his head and pulled him in for a kiss that managed to be both tender and desperate. He moaned gratefully, wanting to wrap his arms around Ren’s body but being once again stopped by the binders.

He pulled away. “Ren, the binders.”

“What about them?”

“Would you kindly remove them?”

Ren hummed thoughtfully. “I kind of like them…”

“Ren!”

“Okay, okay…” Ren sighed in defeat, then waved his hand, making the shackles fall off Hux’s wrists and feet.

Gratefully, Hux rubbed his wrists, feeling the soreness of having been forced to be in the same position for several hours. He noticed a redness around his wrists where the binders had cut into his flesh and brushed his fingers across them delicately. It hurt. A moment later his hands were covered by Ren’s. They were soothingly cool and surprisingly soft, something that never ceased to amaze Hux. The benefit of always wearing gloves, he supposed.

“Hux,” Ren said seriously.

He didn’t look up, but instead kept inspecting his wrists. “Hm?”

“Hux.” Ren’s voice was more urging now. When he still didn’t look up, Ren pinched his wrist. “Hux!”

“Ow, this hurts, you moron!”

“Good, maybe this will remind you to never do such a foolish thing ever again.”

The accusation upset Hux. “I wasn’t foolish! Don’t blame me for being abducted by the most incompetent group of outlaws in the entire Galaxy!”

Ren glared back. “Phasma told me about your drinking in that shady cantina. What were you thinking? Next time ask me to accompany you, if you’re looking for adventure.”

“I wasn’t looking for adventure,” Hux mumbled contritely. _I was looking for a remedy for my broken heart_ , he added glumly.

“Hux…” Ren whispered. He didn’t dare to look, afraid of what he’d see on the other man’s face. Undeterred, Ren continued. “When the transmission came in that you’d gone missing, I… I couldn’t bear it. I felt like an integral part of my body had been forcefully removed. I’ve never felt so much fear in my entire life.”

A tiny flower of hope began to blossom in Hux’s chest. Mystery, jealousy and urgency. Maybe Phasma had been right after all.

“I… I’m afraid I lost it for a moment there,” Ren added contritely.

Hux’s head whipped up. “What did you break?”

Ren hesitated, guilt written all over his face. “The FX-C5 navigation console.”

“The FX…!” Hux groaned in exasperation. “It was brand new! I haven’t even peeled off the protective sheet yet!” He rubbed his brows. “You seriously are the most annoying, irresponsible, infuriating…”

“Can’t we just focus on the important things please?” Ren interrupted his tirade calmly.

“What is more important than you breaking a multi-million credits machine that hasn’t even had its test run yet?” Hux snapped.

“The fact that we love each other.”

“The fact… what?” Hux stared at Ren as if he’d grown a second head. For once in his life he was lost for words.

Ren smiled and got up, sitting next to Hux, tilting the bed with his weight and making Hux fall towards him a little. Ren used the momentum in his favor and pulled Hux against him. “I sometimes forget that you’re not Force-sensitive and that things that are self-evident to me remain a mystery to you.”

Hux frowned. “If this is your attempt at sweet-talking, then I have to inform you that your skills are lacking.”

“Shut up.” Ren kissed the tip of his nose and Hux pulled back, slightly scandalized. “To me it was always clear that there was a connection between us. Do you understand, Hux?”

He didn’t understand. Still he said, “I… think so?”

Seeing through him, Ren smiled winningly. “It wasn’t there at first, but the more time we spent together, the clearer the bond between us became. When I started sensing when you were around, what you were feeling, what you wanted or didn’t want. To me it became obvious that we had forged a bond that couldn’t be broken anymore.”

Hux’s heart was thudding in his chest so violently that he feared it might leap out of his throat any given moment. He’d felt it too, just not quite like Ren had described it. Could it be…?

“I’m sorry I was such an idiot,” Ren interrupted his thoughts. “I didn’t realize that you were looking for confirmation from me. And I suppose I didn’t realize that I wanted to give it to you either, until I was faced with the possibility of never seeing you again.”

Hux let out a long breath, suddenly feeling like a whole load was sliding off his shoulders. “I know what you mean,” he said with a smile, reaching for Ren’s hand and threading their fingers together. “It was the only thought I had while sitting in that cargo bay, surrounded by idiots. That I’d never get to see you again, that you’d never know how I felt.”

“But I do!” Ren squeezed his hand. “I just didn’t think it needed mentioning. But I suppose this is how things work with Force-insensitives.” A kiss prevented Hux’s protest. “So let me spell it out for you. I want you, all of you, and only you. For now and forever. Just the two of us, together.”

A strange feeling constricted Hux’s throat and it wasn’t the Force. He never felt like crying and certainly not from happiness, but right now the treacherous wetness in his eyes suggested otherwise. He blinked it away. “I want that, too…” he whispered hoarsely.

Smiling brightly, Ren pulled him in for another life-changing kiss.

Much later, they lay in each other’s arms. Ren was absent-mindedly tracing patterns on the small of Hux’s back while Hux enjoyed the power he had over Ren’s nipple, making it harder with each stroke of his thumb.

“Of course I’ll have to deal with Phasma,” Ren said casually.

Hux stopped playing with Ren and looked up. “Why?”

“I know she had a hand in all of this. I questioned her to learn about your disappearance.”

A cold feeling of dread came over Hux. “Please, don’t do anything stupid. She’s a loyal officer and good friend and she really tried to help us.”

He could feel Ren’s smile as he pressed a kiss against his scalp. “Don’t worry. She’ll get what she deserves.”

 

******************************************

 

Meanwhile, in the troopers’ quarters, Captain Phasma stepped up to her locker to change into her exercise outfit. As she opened the door, a loud pop rang out, followed by a balloon exploding, raining glitter down on her. Stunned and covered in glitter, she looked at the note attached to a dried up potted flower. It read, “Thank you, R.”

 

~ The End ~

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Kylux May 2016 Fic Exchange, this fic also marks my return to the writing fandom after years of absence. So, please be gentle...
> 
> An important note to my prompter, pkabyssinian: This isn't the fic I actually meant to write for you. In fact, I picked the first prompt and found it so inspiring that I've already written around 30k words on it and am nowhere near finished. Since I didn't want to rush that fic, I decided to throw together a quick, fun one so you don't feel like you got stiffed, and post the other, much longer one when it's good and ready. I just feel the need to explain this, since this isn't the quality and depth I usually write. But I hereby vow to finish the other fic for you and post it here and of course gift it to you as well.
> 
> Thank you for helping me get back into writing. It really feels good.
> 
> Additional note, and then I'll shut up: I didn't split it into so many chapters to milk for comments. Just look at the chapter titles and you'll get why ;D.


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